Sometimes I wonder at what point during a serious, long term relationship does a couple know they are ready for marriage – as in whether they are mature enough, know each other well enough, are financially stable enough to take that next step.
If these are the criteria in which we measure readiness by, then my answer is no. In fact, I will never be ready since there is always room for improvement – be more mature, understand my boyfriend better, earn a larger paycheck. Therefore, at what point should I draw the line the sets the threshold between not enough and enough?
After dating my current boyfriend, I developed a two year time limit to answer that question.
Are we mature enough?
Unlike my teenage years where each new experience could potentially have enormous impact on my views, my progress is made no longer in learning, but in refining my understanding of relationships now that I’m in my mid-twenties. Therefore, both of us already have a good idea of what we want. If we cannot bring the relationship to that next level, we can never really mature beyond what we are either.
Do we know each other well enough?
My grandparents have been married for decades and they are still learning new things about each other – so knowing everything about your significant other may take over a lifetime to achieve.
I am more interested in knowing the important stuff about my boyfriend - his personality, principles, and habits because these are clear indicators of who he is.
Like the maturity curve, our learning curve grows exponentially at the beginning of a relationship and steadies off. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost six months and he can already finish off my sentences. Therefore, I think for most couples, they will pretty have all the necessary information to know if their significant other is right for them after a year or two of serious dating. After that, what else exactly are you looking for that you don’t already know?
Are we financially stable enough?
I don’t see how marriage gets in the way of our ambitions because our marital status does not have material affect on our career paths. And even if we currently cannot afford to get married just yet, financials do not get in our way of knowing whether we are right for each other.
Do we love each other enough?
My boyfriend cooks for me, thinks I’m beautiful when I wake up in the morning, never gets annoyed with me no matter how many questions I ask while we watch TV, lets me hog the blanket at night, and laughs at all my lame jokes. And he foresees himself doing that for the rest of his life. To me, that’s love - and I have found the answer to the most important question I needed to ask. It only took me six months
Therefore, if you cannot answer that question in two years, then you already have an answer.
Comments (38)
i would propose a one-year. time period... u dont need two. depends also on the frequency of contact.
do you live with your bf??
I think this is a good general guideline, but there are always exceptions. I agree with thesecretfee that distance/frequency of contact can play a role in altering these guidleines.
it's kinda shocking how often you two talk about marriage. i dunno, do people talk about marriage before the actual proposal? is that how it works now?
*shrug*
I think you were ready before the 6months :) When everything goes well, there is no time limit~ marriage takes planning and you got a great guy to do that together <3
@Yosho - I think their relationship isn't very typical haha :) Her bf talks about whatever he would like! And if you meet the one, I'm pretty sure you think about things like that. They are just more open about their future plans :)
That's an interesting analogy.
What about the parents? You prepared for in-laws?
yay. congrats on getting married!
the majority of my friends dated about a year before the guys proposed. when asked (and i did ask) all the guys said they pretty much knew within the first two months of dating.
two years... pfft. turtle.
so when's the big day?
makes sense
@thesecretfee - i agree.. i think one year is good enough.
can i be your maid of honor?
and can you please tell me who your bf is? i really really wanna know!
financial stability is not merely base on how big your paycheck is but also on how you manage your expenses. No matter how much money you bring home, if your expenses exceed your income then you are not financially stable. and I feel you couldn't never stop learning, there's just too much and everybody forgets.
but a married couple pooling their resources together could definitely help them cut costs and save of a lot money before incurring expenses like raising a children or paying for a mortgage (if the couple chooses to), but the main thing is to think ahead and plan for it once you both know you're right for each other.
Good Luck!
People always look at me like I'm crazy when I say it should take less than two years to tell if that person is right for you or not, yet everyone here says one year. Looks like I'm not crazy after all! :)
you're absolutely right. Congrats on finding your one :)
awww i'm so happy that you guys found each other!
@thesecretfee - coming from the playboy of xangaland, this is worthy of quotation. ^^
@subaru3169 - no, but the plan is to move in with him with the next 6-12 months.
@yakko1 - i definitely acknowledge that everyone's relationship is different. can't expect everyone's romance to be the same right?
@Yosho - i think it's normal when two people realize they're right for each other. i mean, it is a natural topic for us. and i would much rather have my bf discuss his views on marriage than have him just suddenly pop the question out of no where...cuz it kind of important for both parties to know where they're at.
@Casa_blanca_lilies - thanks!!! when are you coming back to the east coast to visit?
@Simply_Cynical - both of our parents are aware of our intentions. although they approve of us getting married, i think the disagreements come from when and how and all that other stuff. wedding planning will be fun...not.
@cbr600 - not yet!!!
@clustered - hearing all these guys tell me that it takes less than a year...gdamn!
@tousle - i dont know when, but im pretty sure the minute i find out, i will be pulsing it on xanga.
@wutuwaitn4 - only if you tell me who your bf is. unless you can provide some evidence that you're gay, i'm calling bs.
@Trigger821 - i think if two people are going to be together anyway, marriage makes alot of sense financially.
@miss_prettyinpink - i know right!? and from guys too! let's hope their gfs don't read my blog, else they would be wondering why they havent proposed after a year. =X
@wutuwaitn4 - and no, cuz you smell.
@MuseErato - quotations, whatever. im not stupid or irrational when it comes to love. heck, im not stupid or irrational when it comes to anything except me winning. anyway, congrats -- looks like ur on the right path. although often times i read blogs on xanga w. stuff like:
"My boyfriend cooks for me, thinks I’m beautiful when I wake up in the
morning, never gets annoyed with me no matter how many questions I ask
while we watch TV, lets me hog the blanket at night, and laughs at all
my lame jokes. And he foresees himself doing that for the rest of his
life."
just fyi, at any given day on xanga, there's like 50 women blogging something similar to that... and then next thing u know i hear a breakup. for realz.
my point is this: make sure the reason you feel compelled to put it in writing is NOT to re-affirm something that has been grumbling inside... not the fact that he can be a gentleman and do this or do that going down the laundry-list of awesomeness.... but rather explore truly how your heart speaks about this man's character and intentions. that -- and only that -- should dictate whether you say I do.
may you be hitched in the near future....
Nice entry . . . but part of me wonders whether you always thought like this or whether he rubbed off on you.
Because this entry sounds exactly like something he would write . . . from a guy's perspective of course.
@qnzalvin - it has his name all over it. im sure you are aware that he is a pretty influential person. ^^
@MuseErato - be warned . . . he's the self proclaimed "master of mind games"
but you didn't hear that from me.
Anyway, my thoughts on the subject matter is, you should know within six months--1 year tops. Anyone who isn't sure after a year and a half and gets married is most likely settling.
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee